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No Excuse For Abuse ​

By Dr. Rachell N. Anderson

In the process of raising our children, we parents are teaching them how to be in the world. As the big people in the family, parents have all the food, all the money, all the love, all the rules, and indeed all the power and control. If children are going to have any power, they are at the mercy of parents to give it or the child has to figure out how to take it. They soon figure out they can get the power by being good or by being bad. And because people are hard wired to react to negative behavior, bad behavior is likely to get the most intense and immediate response.

From a very early age, kids learn to fight for power and control in order to get what they want. As they get older, the fighting becomes a lot more intense in the form of defiance, lack of cooperation, hostility and none compliance. And parents wonder why.
Nearly every parent has had the urge to spank because of that feeling of a lack of control that comes with raising young children. It’s a primitive gut response to that feeling of desperation and being out of control and can quickly lead to aggression in the form of spanking. And yet, researcher have consistently found that this is the worse reaction possible because of what it’s teaching kids about how to be in the world.

In a meta-analysis involving dozens of studies and 160,00 children, Gershoff and a colleague found that spanking is linked to more mental health problems, more behavior problems, more problems with children’s relationships with their parents and more problems with how they do in school. The country's top pediatricians group found that spanking is ineffective for disciplining children and notes new studies claiming spanking can impact brain development. They believe there is evidence that it harms kids — not only physically and mentally, but in how they perform at school and how they interact with other children. Further, they cite research showing corporal punishment or harsh verbal abuse not only won't change behavior over the long term, but can make children more aggressive. A study published last year in the "Journal of Pediatrics" found spanked children were more likely to commit dating violence later in life.

What most parents may not realize is that our children watch us 24/7 and learn from us how to get what they want. When we give in or act out, the model is set and kids learn to shape their behavior like the adults around them and will be repeated by the child throughout his or her life.
The fact is, children have to learn to take no for an answer. Noone can have everything he or she wants all the time. In civil society, there are rules to be followed and situations to which we all must adhere. The issue is how parents do this while practicing the premise of No Excuse For Abuse.
The core of our job as parents to teach our children problem-solving skills and to show them that tantrums, screaming, yelling, hitting and name-calling are ineffective ways to solve problems. Parents have to step in and teach them effective ways of dealing with life’s problems. When we give power to inappropriate and abusive behavior, our children are less prepared to solve life’s problems effectively. Abusive children are likely to become abusive adults. How can they not. It’s what they know.

What’s A Person To Do?

1. If you spank, pay attention to why you do it. Maybe you’re thinking like a parent who told me “If it’s was good for my parents, then it’s good for me.” Or, “I was spanked and I turned out ok.” Are you sure?

2. It's best to begin with the premise of rewarding positive behavior. I call it “catching the children doing good. The behavior that gets the most attention will continue most often. 3. Set up rules and expectations in advance and be consistent in following through with them.

4. It’s also helpful for parents to know that aggressive and angry behaviors are normal in small children. So, parents will be more effective in setting limits when they redirect or distract the child rather than punishing, yelling or spanking.
© Rachell N. Anderson, PSY. D., June 2, 2019

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a private Clinical in Springfield for more than 40 years. She lives in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles she has written.
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  • Home
  • The World
    • Agriculture System
    • Financial System >
      • Apple and Google named in US lawsuit over Congolese child cobalt mining deaths
    • Justice/Political System >
      • Fear-Based Manipulation: How Politicians, Marketers and the Media Create Panic to Control the Masses
      • Fear is the Enemy of Freedom
      • THE US IS BECOMING A NATION OF SHEEP – HERE’S HOW TO STOP IT
      • Save Us From Freedom
    • Health System >
      • Has Drug-Driven Medicine Become a Form of Human Sacrifice?New Page
      • This ‘Tree of Immortality’ Keeps Disease Away
      • Simple Homemade Cough Syrup Removes Phlegm From The Lungs
      • FDA Investigates Allergic Reactions to Pfizer COVID Vaccine After More Healthcare Workers Hospitalized
      • ‘Lockdowns are a big mistake:’ World Health Organization and other experts now ADMIT global economic shutdowns for COVID-19 are WRONGNew Page
      • EXCLUSIVE: COVID vaccine patent warned of “deliberate coronavirus release”New Page
      • The Bill Gates globalist vaccine depopulation agenda… as revealed by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
      • The Coronavirus COVID-19 Pandemic: The Real Danger is “Agenda ID2020”
      • The Five Best Ways to Beat a Cold
      • What Mandatory Vaccination and the 5G Rollout Have In Common
      • Three Ancient Beauty Secrets You’ve Never Heard Of
      • Herbs To Lower Blood Pressure
      • 7 Simple Ways to Unclog Your Arteries Naturally
      • Pharma Company Threatens Shortage to Hike Up Cancer Drug Prices by 400%
    • Education System >
      • Help Me Create an Education Revolution!
      • Education OR Indoctrination?
      • Self Esteem and Success in School and Life
      • Build-Your-Own-American: How The Government is Manipulating America’s Youth
    • Media/Arts/ Entertainment >
      • How to Stop the Media from Controlling Your Mind
    • Religious System >
      • Marijuana and Spirituality: A Brief History
      • What Does the Bible Say About Money?
      • Three Myths About Spirituality That Prevent Us From Enjoying Life
  • The Earth/Environment
    • Nuclear Experimentation Year 72 – Collectivism Over Common Sense
    • 5G Danger: 13 Reasons New Millimeter Wave Tech Will Be a Catastrophe for HumanityNew Page
    • The 4 Greatest Enemies of the State
    • A Climate Engineering Introduction To Media And The Uninformed
    • Wireless Industry Confesses: "No Studies Show 5G is Safe"
  • Society/Culture
    • Fear-Doubt-Indecision
    • 25 Ways To Kill The Toxic Ego That Will Ruin Your Life
    • Got The Quarantine Blues?
    • Be the Change You Want to See in the World!
    • Health Wealth & Love
    • Change Your Beliefs To Reshape Your Reality
    • Divide and Conquer is Killing Us
    • You Light Up the Planet
    • The Trap of Romantic Love
    • Social Media Destroying Society
    • Open Minds Build Open Hearts
    • A BLACK PERSPECTIVE ON RACISM
    • Why?
    • The Fear of Truth...What Makes Us Run From Truth?
    • In The Information Age, You Get What You Create
    • Community Development; From The Inside Out, One Person at A Time
    • No Excuse For Abuse
    • Corporatocracy and Our Toxic Beliefs
  • Esoteric
    • Spirituality Begins With Unconditional Love Towards Oneself
    • Master This Psychological Concept to Thrive in a Chaotic World
    • 10 Ways To Live Your Greatest Life
    • What is the Ego? Should it Be Destroyed?
    • CONSCIOUSNESSThe Sublime Value Of ‘Ego Deaths’
    • Thoughts Beliefs Reality
    • Core Beliefs Fundamentally Impact Your Life — Alchemize The Negative Ones
    • 10 Levels Of Consciousness
    • 5 Steps to Take Now So You Can Thrive in the Post Coronavirus World
    • How to Free Yourself From Toxic Beliefs
    • The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People
    • Proof That Our Thoughts Create Reality
    • Your Beliefs Shape Your Reality
    • Transcending the Illusion of Light Versus Dark
    • The Mandala: The Sacred Geometry of Meditation ​
    • 9 Things You Don’t Know about Yourself
    • The Power of Thought Man’s Greatest Discovery
    • Change Your Circumstances; Do Something Different!
  • Words/Language
    • In all your getting, get Understanding
    • Thinking Truth
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  • MEDICAL HORROR: Covid vaccines have now killed more people than the ATOMIC BOMB dropped on Hiroshima
  • Jabbed individuals drive the evolution of vax-resistant COVID variants, study says